I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
