I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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