Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
