So drunk its hurt
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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