arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
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