he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
