just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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