Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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