i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize