i think i have two assholes
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
