Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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