why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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