Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
