The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
