Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
