Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
