Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
