can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
