Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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