I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
