i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
should my penis look like a turkey
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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