While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
