So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize