At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
