Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize