I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
