mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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