For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
