dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
