just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
