do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
