There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
