Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
