I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
