so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
