everyone is single if you try hard enough
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
