I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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