i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize