rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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