i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
