U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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