im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
