That's intense
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
