everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
