she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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