when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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