rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
