oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
