I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
