I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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