I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
