the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize