Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
