'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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