Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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