I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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