she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
