Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
