oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
