She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
True college students do jello shots in the library
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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