i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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