this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
