I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
