I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
