Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
