I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
