Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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