nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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