Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
