It was confusing and full of hummus
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
